From as young as our first kiss at the school disco, we are encouraged to love, to connect and to adapt to life with a partner. Growing up, success is often placed so heavily on how high we climb in our careers, how long we last in relationships and, in the midst of it all, a lot of us lose out on the opportunity to love, connect and engage with ourselves. No one tells you that being single is perfectly ok.
That’s not to say having a successful career and relationship stops you from getting to know yourself but often, they are both a huge distraction from doing so. Without getting to know ourselves, we simply don’t get a chance to realise the benefits that occur when one does. Getting to know yourself is single-handedly the most valuable act you will ever invest in during your time on this earth. Getting to know myself has been the greatest adventure I’ve ever gone on and the benefits have led me to the most content space I’ve ever experienced.
I am writing this post at 26 and I have been single now for 4 years so I can definitely speak from experience on this topic. Lol. I got you. Honestly? I truly believe that one’s single time, at whatever age it finds you, holds the potential for one’s most valuable growth so if you’ve clicked on this post because you’ve just come out of a relationship, are you’re finding yourself craving one or are feeling really lonely being single… Let me turn the being single sucks voice around for you.
I feel like being ‘single’ has been tarnished with a ‘noone wants you’ tag which I think is absolute nonsense. Being single can absolutely be a choice reflecting that you haven’t yet found someone that adds to your life in the way you deserve or desire. Don’t ever feel embarassed because you are single. Be happy single. Own it.
Indulging in a partner can be the most wonderful thing in the world but it can also be the most toxic thing when you’re seeking it for the wrong reasons. Relationships are an easy way out, they can be a safetly blanket that you use too often and relationships can be an all too easy way to seek comfort for your loneliness. Dig deep, find some courage and build a relationship with yourself first and foremost.
Embrace this time on your own to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if you’re proud of who you are. Ask yourself if you’re happy with what choices you’re making. These can be really tough questions, infact they will instigate some of the hardest work you’ll ever take on. But when you really take the time to look at yourself in a naked way like this, life choices and decisions become very obvious. For how, once you’ve acknowledged the things you truly want to do and be, could you deny yourself of your own happiness?
I’ve found that being single has meant I’ve been able to dedicate some serious time to myself, on a regular basis. With busy work schedules these days and the 24/7 type lifestyle that most of us adopt, it can be hard to carve time for yourself, even if you intend to. Being single means you have more time to play with and you can be a little more selfish with your time. Embrace it. It’s in these moments alone that we are able to reset, be mindful and ultimately bring ourselves back down to earth and face the world with a more healthy light.
When you make choices for you, people consider it selfish. But I don’t think being selfish has to be a bad thing, unless it’s strongly impacting those around you and you’re being particularly heartless with your decisions. I guess when you’re in a relationship you do have to consider your other half and how your decisions impact them too, so if you’re single… embrace being selfish and it being totally fine!
Some of my most creative moments and ideas have come from the honest time I’ve spent with myself. When you really tune into your soul and the things that set your tummy on fire, wild and wonderful things happen.
I often wonder if i’d have achieved so much in my career by 26 if i’d have been a ‘relationship’ girl. Who knows. All I know is that the focus i’ve had for my career goals has been second to none and I’m having the most incredible time exploring the excitement that a career can offer. By the way, please don’t think this post is anti-men, it’s not at all. I’m simply placing focus on how being single can bring incredible fulfilment in other areas. Get the right man, and it’s all still possible too!
Another beautiful component of life to explore fully when you’re single… friendships. Over the last 4 years of not being in a relationship, I’ve gone on the most incredible adventures in the world with my girlfriends by my side. I have been able to realise just how much fulfilment and security there is to be found in building a network of like minded souls around you. Friendships add a whole other dimension to your life and now I know that, I’ll never be without it and I’ll never let a relationship wipe out that portion of my time. After all, whilst lovers may come and go, friendships are the glue that holds life together.
Friendships don’t end when relationships start arising but friendships certainly change. Change is beautiful but only when you feel like you’ve lived every moment leading up to it, fully. I don’t mind now that my friends are finding wonderful partners because I have an endless bank of memories from our crazy, wild and single adventures that will carry me through a life time. New chapters are beautiful. Embrace the one you’re in now because one thing I can guarantee is that it won’t be like this forever.
This point kind of follows on from the last one. There will come a time where you’ll welcome a relationship into your life with open arms and you won’t want to necessarily solo travel. You won’t want to take that working holiday visa and you won’t want to live away from your family. If you’re reading this, you’re single and you’re on the brink of making a decision to book a flight / solo adventure. Please listen to me and, do it.
If you’re looking for a sign, this is it. I am holding up a big sign and it’s pointing at you.
Being on your own doesn’t have to be lonely but of course, as with anything in life, if it’s new to you it may feel uncomfortable to begin with. If you’re used to being around friends/lovers/family/work all the time – being on your own will probably feel like a scary thing to try. However only by stepping out of your comfort zone will you get the opportunity to build the tools within yourself for this to become a comfortable practise. Being really comfortable on your own is the only way to…
Once you’ve developed a healthy relationship with yourself and know what makes your soul the happiest, you will have standards for your partner and you’ll have a pretty good idea of what you’re looking for in someone. This will avoid you wasting time and getting blinded by lust on too many occasions. Feeling good within yourself will mean that if you meet someone that ‘isn’t for you’, it will be very obvious to you and you can step right back into single life with ease and wait for the right one. What we want to avoid in all of this, is settling for less than you deserve and less than a healthy exchange of energy.
Your long term happiness starts with you, and only you. No relationship with anyone else or anything in this world will make you as happy as you can make yourself. If you are single, let this be the time to become your own best friend and the time to embrace yourself for all that you are. Build yourself and your life however you dream it and then you’ll be sending out only the most honest and beautiful vibrations out into the world.
As the law of attraction profoundly demonstrates, like attracts like. If you’re in touch with your happiest self and doing all the things that make you happy, chances are, you’ll attract someone doing the exact same.
What advice on being happy single would you add to this list? I’d love to know!
Love as always and happy adventuring,
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I can’t do this without you.
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