From as young as our first kiss at the school disco, we are encouraged to love, to connect and to adapt to life with a partner. Growing up, success is often placed so heavily on how high we climb in our careers, how long we last in relationships and, in the midst of it all, a lot of us lose out on the opportunity to love, connect and engage with ourselves.
No one tells you that being single is perfectly okay. Being single can be a profound and beautiful experience too. Being in a relationship isn’t the answer.
Self-love and self-enquiry, in my opinion, should be a mandatory subject in all educational systems. Building self-awareness is single-handedly the key to the future that you desire. If you don’t get to know yourself, your traumas, your triggers, your deepest desires and communication styles, how can you know when you’ve met the match that will hold your hand as you walk towards your destiny and towards your potential?
It’s this lack of awareness and education around self-enquiry and self-love that has led us to believe that being single means we ‘aren’t good enough’ ‘arent compatible’ etc etc. Please let me tell you that is NOT the case.
In truth, it’s all too easy to rely on getting another to ‘save you’, ‘fix you’ and fill your empty parts. Being single takes courage. Being single is the greatest opportunity to dig deep and do the work that, let’s face it, none of us want to do. Self-enquiry and self-love is hard work, it’s exhausting, it’s vulnerable… but it is worth every single second and you come out the other side truly awakened.
We haven’t been raised in a society that encourages us to be self-reliant. We’ve been encouraged to always need something, someone, or somewhere to make us more whole but the sooner you do the hard inner work, the sooner you get to the gold. The sooner you come to realise that you already have everything you need within you. I promise.
Being single is your opportunity to dig deep and to lean on yourself. Being single is your chance to face those shadows, those dark corners and thoughts and hold yourself in compassion as you work through them. If you’re looking for some assistance/guidance for this work see my 11 benefits of counselling and reasons to be proud of going here where I take you through how to find a therapist of your own.
By the way, this is not to say that having a career/relationship is a burden. Not at all, relationships can enhance your journey, they can be the most beautiful journey in the world. But I am saying that an unhealthy relationship with work / another person can be a big deterrent / distraction from inner work and it’s the inner work that will lead to true fulfilment. The important thing here when considering relationships, careers and self-love is balance. It’s easier said than done for sure but if you can have a healthy balance of the three, you are onto something.
Finding the relationship and career that aligns with your purpose and your potential is the ultimate goal. If you and your partner can hold each other’s hand as you walk, with freedom, towards your dreams, you have found your soul mate and that is the most beautiful treasure out there.
Without getting to know ourselves, we simply don’t get a chance to realise the benefits that occur when one does. Getting to know yourself is single-handedly the most valuable act you will ever invest in during your time on this earth. Getting to know myself has been the greatest adventure I’ve ever gone on and the benefits have led me to the most content space I’ve ever experienced.
Honestly? I truly believe that one’s single time, at whatever age it finds you, holds the potential for one’s most valuable growth so if you’ve clicked on this post because you’ve just come out of a relationship, are you’re finding yourself craving one or are feeling really lonely being single… Let me turn the being single sucks voice around for you.
13 reasons why you should celebrate, embrace and be happy single:
1. Being single doesn’t mean you’re unwanted
Being single doesn’t mean ‘noone wants you’. Being single can absolutely be a choice reflecting that you haven’t yet found someone that adds to your life in the way you deserve or desire. Don’t ever feel embarrassed because you are single. Own your single skin.
If you find yourself with negative self-sabotaging thoughts like ‘no one wants me’ ‘ill be alone forever’ ‘what’s wrong with me’, there are some belief systems within you that need some work. Inner work is going to be really valuable for you. Check out these posts:
2. Being single takes courage
Indulging in a partner can be the most wonderful thing in the world but it can also be the most toxic thing when you’re seeking it for the wrong reasons. Relationships are often the easy way out, they can be a safety blanket that you use too often and relationships can be an all too easy way to seek comfort for your loneliness.
Dig deep, find some courage and build a relationship with yourself first and foremost. Choosing a relationship for loneliness is destined to lead to co-dependancy.
3. You are forced to look at yourself in the mirror
Embrace this time on your own to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if you’re proud of who you are.
Ask yourself if you’re happy with what choices you’re making. These can be really tough questions, in fact they will instigate some of the hardest work you’ll ever take on. But when you really take the time to look at yourself in a naked way like this, life choices and decisions become very obvious. For how, once you’ve acknowledged the things you truly want to do and be, could you deny yourself of your own happiness?
4. You’re able to carve more regular time for yourself
I’ve found that being single has meant I’ve been able to dedicate some serious time to myself, on a regular basis.
With busy work schedules these days and the 24/7 type lifestyle that most of us adopt, it can be hard to carve time for yourself, even if you intend to. Being single means you have more time to play with and you can be a little more selfish with your time. Embrace it. It’s in these moments alone that we are able to reset, be mindful and ultimately bring ourselves back down to earth and face the world with a more healthy light.
5. You have permission to be selfish and put you first
When you make choices for you, people consider it selfish. But I don’t think being selfish has to be a bad thing, unless it’s strongly impacting those around you and you’re being particularly heartless with your decisions. I guess when you’re in a relationship you do have to consider your other half and how your decisions impact them too, so if you’re single… embrace being selfish!
Put yourself, your dreams, your desires and your preferences first. It’s so liberating!
6. Creativity blooms in solitude
Some of my most creative moments and ideas have come from the honest time I’ve spent with myself. When you really tune into your soul and the things that set your tummy on fire, wild and wonderful things happen.
7. Go full speed at your career dreams
I often wonder if i’d have achieved so much in my career by 26 if i’d have been a ‘relationship’ girl. Who knows. All I know is that the focus i’ve had for my career goals has been second to none and I’m having the most incredible time exploring the excitement that a career can offer. By the way, please don’t think this post is anti-men, it’s not at all. I’m simply placing focus on how being single can bring incredible fulfilment in other areas. Get the right man, and it’s all still possible too!
8. Realise the power of friendship
Another beautiful component of life to explore fully when you’re single… friendships. Over the last 4 years of not being in a relationship, I’ve gone on the most incredible adventures in the world with my girlfriends by my side. I have been able to realise just how much fulfilment and security there is to be found in building a network of like minded souls around you. Friendships add a whole other dimension to your life and now I know that, I’ll never be without it and I’ll never let a relationship wipe out that portion of my time. After all, whilst lovers may come and go, friendships are the glue that holds life together.
9. Embrace your friends whilst they are single too
Friendships don’t end when relationships start arising but friendships certainly change. Change is beautiful but only when you feel like you’ve lived every moment leading up to it, fully. I don’t mind now that my friends are finding wonderful partners because I have an endless bank of memories from our crazy, wild and single adventures that will carry me through a life time. New chapters are beautiful. Embrace the one you’re in now because one thing I can guarantee is that it won’t be like this forever.
10. Embrace the freedom and solo travel
This point kind of follows on from the last one. There will come a time where you’ll welcome a relationship into your life with open arms and you won’t want to necessarily solo travel. You won’t want to take that working holiday visa and you won’t want to live away from your family. If you’re reading this, you’re single and you’re on the brink of making a decision to book a flight / solo adventure. Please listen to me and, do it.
If you’re looking for a sign, this is it. I am holding up a big sign and it’s pointing at you.
11. Get comfortable with solitude and be happy riding solo.
Being on your own doesn’t have to be lonely but of course, as with anything in life, if it’s new to you it may feel uncomfortable to begin with. If you’re used to being around friends/lovers/family/work all the time – being on your own will probably feel like a scary thing to try. However only by stepping out of your comfort zone will you get the opportunity to build the tools within yourself for this to become a comfortable practise. Being really comfortable on your own is the only way to…
12. Be sure that when you have a partnership, it is healthy.
Once you’ve developed a healthy relationship with yourself and know what makes your soul the happiest, you will have standards for your partner and you’ll have a pretty good idea of what you’re looking for in someone. Once you know how happy you can be in your own company, it will set the standard for the way someone else makes you feel.
Too many times I’ve entered something romantic and my mood / energy has been drained. Because I know how fulfilled and full of energy I can be by myself, it’s very clear to me when something isn’t serving me. This will avoid you wasting time and getting blinded by lust on too many occasions.
Feeling good within yourself will mean that if you meet someone that ‘isn’t for you’, it will be very obvious to you and you can step right back into single life with ease and wait for the right one. What we want to avoid in all of this, is settling for less than you deserve and less than a healthy exchange of energy.
13. Invest in your long term happiness
Your long term happiness starts with you, and only you. No relationship with anyone else or anything in this world will make you as happy as you can make yourself. If you are single, let this be the time to become your own best friend and the time to embrace yourself for all that you are. Build yourself and your life however you dream it and then you’ll be sending out only the most honest and beautiful vibrations out into the world.
As the law of attraction profoundly demonstrates, like attracts like. If you’re in touch with your happiest self and doing all the things that make you happy, chances are, you’ll attract someone doing the exact same.
Be happy single, I dare you.
What are your thoughts on being single?
What advice on being happy single would you add to this list? I’d love to know!
Love as always and happy adventuring,
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I can’t do this without you.
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