Am I okay? What’s the definition of success

 In Career, Reflections

So I started this year feeling pretty content with how 2018 had gone. I’d worked real hard and achieved a lot career wise but I’d also worked hard on improving my work life balance.

Whilst I’d still travelled way more than the average person in 2018, I’d definitely travelled less than 2016 and 2017 and I’d even taken my first ever week offline at The Body Holiday and learnt the fundamentals of meditation.

During this week off I’d learnt the importance of sleep, I’d experienced deep and really restful sleep and I’d witnessed the profound effect it had on my energy, my mood and my relationships.

Now, I went into 2019 feeling wonderful and shared with you this blog post outlining ‘12 big lessons i’ve learnt about life and about love in 2018‘.

I’m sat here now on Sunday 24th March having contradicted everything in that article and I’ve had, I think, one day completely to myself.

I’ve not given myself any proper recovery time from the 14 flights i’ve been on, the 13 days of hosting events i’ve done or the 29 shoot days and 27 long edit and admin days i’ve been switched on for.

The van I bought to convert this year is still sat in the same place it was when I bought it on 28th December and I haven’t seen my friends in months.

My hormones are doing crazy things and I feel totally out of touch with my body. I’ve also hit ultimate exhaustion on I think 3 occasions. Like ‘don’t talk to me I have only just about got the energy to breathe’ kinda exhausted. I’ve done 24 hour turn arounds between one long haul flight and the next. I’ve forgotten things and made very expensive mistakes because i’m rushing around trying to fit everything in.

I’m a little frustrated at myself in all honesty but my state is completely self inflicted.

I’ve been blessed to have some of my dream contracts and jobs come through this year and I’ve simply not wanted to turn them down. If there’s been a possibility time wise of fitting them all in, I’ve said yes.

But as a result my body, yet again, is crying out for me to stop. I’m also getting very bored of telling people I’m tired all the time. I’m not about the pity party life, I need to get up and do something about it.

When I get to this level of tiredness, I don’t have the energy to go to the gym, to see my friends, to enjoy travelling, to see the sunshine when the sun isn’t shining.

I don’t have time to do the things that really make me feel whole.

I don’t feel proud of myself when I’m this exhausted.

I don’t feel proud when I have to cancel plans with friends. I don’t feel proud of myself when I lose patience quickly with people on the road, with people I love, with clients and when I’m shooting.

Even though, in these months of madness, I receive more ‘you’re killing it’ ‘you’re doing so well’ ‘you look so happy’ comments than ever, I’m not proud of how my mind and body suffers as a result.

I’m proud of myself when I feel healthy, when I feel rested, when I’m fulfilled with a healthy amount of work, when I switch off with my friends and have time to see my family. When I have me time, when I can stop and enjoy what i’ve achieved. I’m proud of myself when I feel happy at the very bottom of my tummy.

For that reason, I’ve decided to take April completely off of travel and campaign work.

April is officially a reset month for me. I’m moving into a new house next weekend and I just want to take the month to realign with myself.

I feel like I need some creative freedom. I want to shoot for me, not for a campaign deadline.

Am I okay?

I want some routine and to check in with myself and to make everything is okay. I want to brainstorm what parts of my life i’ve maybe growing out of and what direction I’d like to go in next.

I want to plan and launch the next WMGT adventure, I want to work on my van conversion.

I want to sleep good, eat good, feel good and take time to enjoy the incredible work I’ve done on my brand.

FYI I’ll still be online and I’ll still be creating but I’m just reducing the intensity of my schedule dramatically and looking forward to enjoying the moments in between.

Bring on April.

Love as always + happy adventuring,

Mollie.

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