Where to start with this post…
I’m going to try my hardest not to word vomit or get too ‘deep’ on you, but you know what i’m like. I’m a thinker, i’m a feeler and I feel like I pride myself on expressing a life filled with travel in the most honest way possible. So whether you choose to divulge into my brain with me or not, it’s here for the taking.
I won’t lie, the words ‘settle down’ still kinda make me want to run a mile and I think that’s because of what they can sometimes mean and represent in one’s lifestyle.
Settling down typically indicates marriage and babies, in which case I am most certainly not settling down, not just yet. I know no one is ever ‘ready’ for all that but I certainly have other things consuming my drive right now.
Settle is a funny word. To me personally, ‘settle’ translates to ‘being unwilling to source the energy to get off one’s arse and follow one’s desires’.
So in quick conclusion to the title of this post, I am by no means declaring to settle down.
Truth is I don’t think I will ever have a dream and not pursue it, it’s just not in my nature to wonder ‘what if’. I have to know I gave my self every chance to pursue life and the opportunities out there. I would so much rather be sad about an outcome than regret not pursuing it.
But obviously, the post title didn’t come from nowhere.
Something is definitely going on for me right now. My priorities are shifting big time and I’ve found the past six months difficult emotionally and physically.
I’ve face planted the floor with mental and physical exhaustion on probably 4/5 separate occasions but then just shook it off, stood straight back up again and continued in the same manner as before.
The way i’ve been working and executing my life has been unhealthy.
Though the ‘crashes and burns’ have surfaced with much shorter intervals in the last six months, my high level of output has been evident for a while. Remember when I had an awful car crash 2 years ago? Yeah, not proud of that. I absolutely had a wake up call but I still didn’t address the route cause.
Successful as I may feel in terms of achievements, I don’t feel success unless I feel happy and my happiness has felt harder to hold on to recently.
You see for the past 4 years, whilst building Where’s Mollie? in to the brand it is today, I’ve worked relentlessly. There aren’t many days I could sit here and tell you about on which I didn’t actively do something to further my career. I’ve hardly switched off. My mind works at a millions and one miles per hour which works wonders for me when it comes to business, but when it comes to the R+R part of my life – I suck a little.
That’s an understatement. I suck a lot.
I’ve had fun of course (a hella lot of it) but i’ve realised recently that just because you’re having fun, it doesn’t mean you’re relaxing. Just because i’m lucky to see all these opportunities coming my way, it doesn’t mean I should be taking every single one of them.
Last year I made a bold ‘first time ever’ move to take a full week away from the internet world and to go to Burning Man in Nevada. If you read or watched any of my content from this magical experience (yes I still captured lol) you’ll know wasn’t exactly ‘R+R’. Who was I kidding! Haha!
You see whenever i’ve attempted to take time off from work, i’ve invested my time in fun things that still exert energy, if not more so than my usual work life. Festivals, nights out, weekend adventure, plane rides, heavy gym sessions.
Be as envious as you like of the incredible destinations I get to visit and shoot in, but I can guarantee there is many a time that i’m more jealous of you in your dressing gown and slippers in front of the tv preparing for a lie in.
When I first realised in October that I was struggling to switch off and that I’m actually really bad at saying no to work and travel, I decided to book 8 weeks in Australia with my best friend as of 28th December. I’m sometimes a little extreme with my choices, yes, but I felt like unless I physically removed myself from the country and stepped off the treadmill of work – I would never stop. In my head those 8 weeks would be spent experiencing life in Australia, taking on minimal travel and have lots of laptop / beach time.
Of course when I got there, I got all excited and the 8 weeks rolled into one big long (incredible) adventure.
Adventure, create, edit, share. Adventure, create, edit, share. Adventure, create, edit, share.
During my time in Australia I went on a million day trips and shoot missions, I took a job in the outback to create some new destination content, I ticked the Great Ocean Road off my bucket list and lived in a camper for 5 days, we did another 3 days in a camper, I saw lots of friends I hadn’t seen in ages and of course I was still shooting branded content that I have on monthly contracts.
During our time in Australia we also mainly crashed with friends of mine and whilst I love them to bits and 100% wanted to do this, even that aspect meant I had very little time and space to myself.
I was getting seriously frustrated that I wasn’t switching off and that Australia wasn’t what I perhaps deep down needed it to be.
That may not make sense, but I guess when you’re not working efficiently yet your not relaxing, you’re in this state of nothingness and when i’m in that mode, I switch on self destruct mode.
I couldn’t work out what I needed. I just couldn’t sort through my emotions or thoughts.
The only time I could find calm in my mind was when i’d go to this little yoga centre in Byron Bay and that was because there was someone guiding me out of my own thoughts. I was beside myself that i’d lost the strength to focus on the good stuff, to breathe it all out and I just felt so out of tune with my own body.
In the state I felt in, I naturally had ailments showing up left right and centre. My sleep was disrupted and I felt lost.
This wasn’t the first time and I knew it, but it was the biggest sign yet.
I feel like i’ve just been running on low battery for a while now and just keep hitting zero because i don’t let myself fully charge again. I charge up a little bit (have a few days in the country and a good nights sleep) and then start smashing the energy levels out the park again with a new adventure.
I take on way more than I should and when i’m in a good place, I can stay on top of it easy. But if i fall short of energy or time at any given point, it all falls apart and i get seriously overwhelmed.
I’ve designed a life that needs me to be fit, healthy and strong to hold it together but I’d let that strength slip through excessive amounts of travel and minimal amounts of recovery.
This was a reoccuring thought flying through my mind and at the beginning of March 2018, I finally decided to take action on it.
I need to take some time to nourish and reset my body. Time to give it some TLC and build it strong again.
I’m investing more time in my home life, I’m saying no to things and I’m granting myself permission to have time completely off work.
I’m taking a step back to reevaluate everything and make sure I move forward in a sustainable way.
I will check back in with you on how I navigate myself onwards from this transition at a later point.
As uncomfortable a struggle can feel when you’re in it, struggle is a seriously positive sign. It’s a indicator that change is coming. Once you’ve had a few struggles (like myself) you’ll gain confidence in knowing that and then you’ve just got to hold tight and ride it out.
It’s these exact periods of struggle that define you, shape you and are the moments in which you find your most sustainable strength.
The last six months have without a doubt been a difficult time for me to navigate through but again experience reminds me that these times always pass and your ever growing wisdom will always assist you in making the right decisions quicker each time.
I do feel very lucky. I really really love my job but in doing the latter you also run the risk of over working.
There is no body or mind that can cope with being constantly stimulated.
Everybody needs time to switch off. No excuses.
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