Every time I travel, step on a plane or have time to myself, I like to just take a moment to listen to my own thoughts. As weird and deep as that sounds… (You should probably exit now if you just rolled your eyes hahaha.)
Great you’re still here…
Having this time allows whatever might be going on (that my busy mind pushes away daily) to surface and allows me to give myself some TLC. In the fast paced line of work I’m in, it can be hard to prioritise ‘me time’ so up in the clouds is my favourite place to do so.
I’m currently on route to Alice Springs from Sydney and my mind is on strength and vulnerability.
Strength is a word that actually crosses my mind frequently. Emotional strength, physical strength, mental strength, financial strength.
Strength is something many of us desire and most of us will be strong in one area and maybe not so in others. But what is strength and how serious should we be about obtaining it?
You could say I think a lot – I definitely do. But I’m more so just very curious about the human experience and if you’re reading this, i’m guessing you are too.
Developing strength in any of the areas above is incredible, but I think strength is only incredible when used wisely. When you use it as a defense, when you use it to hide or to avoid facing something – i believe it can start to do damage.
Reason I have maybe thought about it so much in the past couple of weeks is because it’s been Christmas. That time of the year we catch up with everyone back home and both family and old friends want that ‘life update’. I’m increasingly asked about relationships and get the whole ‘it must be impossible to have a relationship with what you do?’ thing.
Truth is, it’s not at all impossible. You make time for what you want to make time for. I just haven’t wanted to make time for it or made it a priority.
I had one particular love interest a while back that caught me off guard. One I was completely vulnerable for and that ended with me falling into a million pieces (felt like it anyway). Ever since, my mind and body’s defense naturally went into ‘WELL THAT WAS SHIT. We are not allowing that to happen again.’ And so I dove into protection mode.
In rebuilding myself and in rebuilding the trust I have in my own judgement, I become entirely focused on creating this bubble of happiness around me. A bubble with such strong foundations that meant I would avoid losing control and avoid putting my happiness in someone’s hands. I now have a career that I wake up every day (barre a few natural cba days obv) excited to pursue, i have amazing friends, a family that I love and i’m feeling stronger than ever emotionally, financially and mentally.
I mean in one sense it’s worked, I feel safer than ever.
But I think it’s time to remind myself exactly that…
‘To love is to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is the greatest human measure of courage.’
…and on reflection I can really see I have built up some walls along the way.
We all know that the best things in life require risk. I go on about it day in and day out about taking that risk and pursuing your passions. Risksm in whatever sense, require you to be vulnerable and they demand you to be at risk of being hurt. There’s no getting around it.
Whether you’ve been hurt in a relationship, are scared to step out into a new career or are struggling in some way, know that opening up, letting people in and giving yourself the opportunity to be vulnerable could be exactly what you need.
For it is vulnerability that allows us to love, to feel and to truly connect with another human being.
To live fully we must learn to be vulnerable.
I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t want become so strong that I lose the power of being vulnerable. The beauty of being vulnerable .
So that’s what i’m working on this year…
I hope you didn’t mind me sharing that with you.
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